My Mama was a mallet 

And I a piece of meat 

She spread me out so thin 

A tender puddle at her feet

She couldn’t stand the taste 

Of what I was, upon her plate 

She grimaced with distaste 

With every morsel that she ate 

And all I ever wanted 

Was to keep her satiated 

Yet everything I did 

Only left her aggravated 

And it’s taken me so long 

To understand just what I meant

I was the anvil on her chest 

I was her shoes made of cement 

For Mama was a spirit 

Who always longed to be set free 

And I was her ball and chain 

No matter who I tried to be 

She loved me her own way 

The only way she ever knew

I could never be just right 

No matter what I tried to do

And now I am so grateful 

For the lessons that she taught

Although I miss the net I grew in

It’s no longer where I’m caught 

Now I find I’m making up 

For the time with her I lost 

I am giving what I needed

Love for those whose paths I cross 

Didn’t let her turn me hard 

Instead? A soft, safe place to land 

A broken heart now blown wide open 

Reaching out with helping hands

Mama didn’t tear me down

Despite the many ways she tried 

I have been cleansed and I’ve been polished 

From the years of tears I’ve cried 

Who I am is a decision

I’ve chosen love and I choose light

Shame and fear and indecision

No longer keep me up at night 

I now see that I am bending 

If I didn’t then I’d break 

Ever changing and evolving 

Giving more than what I take 

And my biggest revelation

Is that I’ve never been defined 

By any lack of love received 

A trap I’d made up in my mind

Instead my purpose and my passion 

Now grow from all the love I share 

What matters most is how I give 

The depths and breadth of how I care 

I used to think that all my worth 

Was trapped in love I couldn’t get 

My sense of self was always tarnished 

By Mama’s rage and her regret 

Her absence left me stuck in limbo 

My sole purpose turned to ash 

My determination dormant 

Was left to burn after she crashed 

But now I’m living in a new way 

My table is now turned 

Instead of what I am receiving 

It’s what I give, this much I’ve learned 

My love’s a pill that some can’t swallow 

Instead I get stuck in their throat 

More a bother than a blessing 

A truth that I can’t sugarcoat

So I no longer need acceptance 

Won’t force a love where it can’t grow 

I’m full of passion and I’ll spread it

The ripples spreading to and fro 

For one drop can make a difference 

A reach I may not ever see

I’ll try to make it good and giving 

All that I offer sets me free